bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
