you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
