i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
