new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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