I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
