I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
