cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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