I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
