hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize