At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
