she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
