my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize