I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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