when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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