He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
