So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
