I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
