respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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