She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
