Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
