I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
