All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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