Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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