Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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