Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
