I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
