and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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