I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
