I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i now understand why vodka
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
