my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your cock deserves a montage
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
