We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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