I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
