please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize