What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
