capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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