Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
