Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
