Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
