I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize