I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
