he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
