her vagine was all disorganized.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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