he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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