More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
