it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
