I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
