I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
