Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
