Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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