I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I want is dick and wine.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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