yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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