Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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