Betty ford says i'm here all night
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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