god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
