You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
