k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
