i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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