it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
even my farts smell like vagina
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
