there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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