Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
