Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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