saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
