the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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