I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
