so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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