stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
