We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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