This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
