Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
