we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize