here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
