Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
