How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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