the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
