sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i think i just lost a toe
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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