Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
