Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
how does that bad decision feel?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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