My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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