so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
