the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
