Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
