weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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