Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
