i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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