Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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