what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
