O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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