All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
