Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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