I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Floor bacon is actually really good
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
