So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
