Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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