So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How external is "for external use only"?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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