Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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