I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Pooping to opera.
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