I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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