What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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