just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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