Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
