I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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