I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We left an ass print on the piano.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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