All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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