The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
