idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
