i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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