Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
