I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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